Your Daily Brush: Transforming Self-Criticism through Self-Compassion
Self-compassion can include kind words directed toward one's self. This can be incorporated into one's ongoing mental hygiene efforts to promote emotional health.
Dear Friends,
Do you ever find yourself evaluating things you have said and done?
Self-reflection is a great tool for growth and development. It can yield valuable insights to help us evolve into our best possible selves.
But when self-reflection turns into harsh self-criticism, it is time to re-consider how one talks to themselves.
I invite you to listen in on your self-talk.
What kinds of statements are you making about yourself?
Are you speaking to yourself like a best friend? Or are you speaking to yourself like one of those movie or restaurant critics who tear apart everything they encounter in order to justify their jobs?
What is the tone that you use to speak to yourself?
Is it gentle, kind and encouraging? Or is it harsh, evaluative and judgmental?
Our ways of talking to ourselves often have their roots in our past relationships - from childhood onwards. Most, if not all, of us have been on the receiving end of negative statements from parents, teachers, schoolmates, coworkers, bosses, and others.
These feelings can be exacerbated thanks to consumer marketing which is often oriented toward making people feel inadequate; this in turn is supposed to motivate people to buy whatever is being sold including skin cream to fight wrinkles, tummy-flattening underwear, or a certain brand of sneakers, or whatever elseā¦just so that we can overcome alleged flaws and deficiencies.
Recognize what is happening and keep in mind that you can stop the negative onslaughts that can take hold in your mind.
Rx: Here is what you can do to counter undue and harsh self-criticism:
Become aware of the negative statements and harsh speech.
Then gently pause the self-critic.
Then ask yourself how you would speak to your best friend.
Chances are that you would speak to your best friend compassionately.
Chances are that you would use kind words rather than make harsh statements.
Chances are that you might even offer them a compliment, letting them know you appreciate something about them.
Next, speak to yourself using kind and encouraging words. Here are some for you to try out:
May I be well.
May I be whole.
May I be patient.
May I be happy.
These are just a few examples (drawn from self-compassion exercises) of what you can say to yourself. You can use these as a starting point - and continue from there and create other such statements.
The moment you catch yourself saying harsh things to yourself or being judgmental, stop. Then change gears and speak to yourself as you would to your best friend.
Changing gears from harsh self-criticism to compassionate and kind speech is a part of mental hygiene.
Is it easy to change gears?
Sometimes yes. Sometimes no.
But the main thing is that you make an effort, and like so many things in life, it is a skill that you can learn and with practice can master. And then one day - at some point in the not too distant future - you will find that suddenly this kind of speech has become your default setting.
With practice you will find that you reduce the frequency of harsh speech toward yourself. And if you happen to veer in that direction, you will have cultivated your ability to observe and self-correct, so you are back in the realm of compassionate self-talk.
To your health!
